My Grandma passed away a week ago. I need a distraction that is not mindlessly scrolling. I am going to try my hand at February Flowers. 1 flower a day for 28 days.

Day 1: hanami- looking at flowers

When I think of February I think of the hills of Okinawa covered in pink blooms. Flowers blooming mark the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring. There is something beautiful in their short lifetime. A beginning, beauty, and an end. I love that in Japanese there is word just for looking at flowers, hanami.

I hope you make some time this week to practice hanami.

Day 2- grief: love with no place to go

My sweet friend Deb sent me flowers when she heard my Grandma passed. It was really kind and really unexpected. I don’t know if she picked the arrangement intentionally but lilies, snapdragons, and roses are really meaningful to our family. Her kindness uplifted all of us. Thank you friend.

For this series I am using what I have. I am not home with my studio full of fancy supplies. I am at my moms house using what is available- construction paper and the 1 art pen I brought. I might decide to hit up an art store at some point but for now I am enjoying the simplicity.

What do you do with your love that has no place to go?

Day 3: ice plant aka stone face

We stayed at a beach house for a few days with our best friends from Colorado. Walking to the beach we passed ice plants growing directly in the sand. Seeing them immediately brought me back to my childhood and hours spent playing at the beach. The ocean has always held a special place in my heart. Sitting by the ocean watching the waves crash has a way of making me feel small and putting my life and my problems into perspective.

Day 4: poinsettia

My mom has these beautiful poinsettias in her windows. I was really drawn to drawing them. They are Christmas flowers and I didn’t feel like they would “fit” in this series. I decided to trust my gut and draw them anyway. As I was drawing I realized that poinsettias are one of the birth month flowers of December and my Grandma was born in December. They signify celebration and success.

Day 5: nos.tal.iga, noun: pleasure and sadness caused by remembering the past and wishing you could experience it again

When a loved one dies the waves of nostalgia can be overwhelming. Remembering the good times. Remembering the bad times. Holding on to every memory as tight as possible hoping that it won’t wash away. The smallest thing will spark the biggest memory and you will be swept away by the waves again. In the first moments of grief the waves are crushing. Eventually the waves will calm. They will crash less often but the memories will still be there.

Day 6: be a poppy in a field of daffodils

I have always wanted a tattoo of a poppy. Golden poppies remind me of my childhood in California and playing in fields overflowing with poppies. I have always thought of myself as someone who lives her life her own way. Making choices that people don’t understand but that feel right for me. Like a poppy in a field of daffodils.

Day 7: where flowers bloom so does hope

My mom has apple trees in her back yard. For Thanksgiving she uses her apples to make the most delicious apple pie. The trees are blooming right now and the little pink and white flowers are beautiful.

I have been reading the book “Lifetimes” to my kids as they learn about and process the death of a family member. One of the lines in the book says: “There is a beginning and an ending for everything that is alive. In between is living.” Flowers, bees, people. Everything has a beginning and an end.

Even beautiful apple blossoms that become delicious apple pie.

Day 8: it is the time that you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important

If you have been here for a while you may remember that I don’t really like painting or drawing roses. I feel like they are fussy and complicated and not my favorite. I asked my sister what I should draw and of course she said a rose. I didn’t have a better idea so I tried.

I am not super in love with this. I will probably try again.

Day 9: bloom where you are planted

Dandelions are often associated with military kids. Military kids travel the world, put down roots, and bloom wherever they are planted. I wanted to create a drawing to honor my 2 military kids and their ability to bloom and grow wherever the wind takes our family.

Day 10: i am thankful thorns have roses

My Grandma was someone who saw the bright side of life. When you called and asked “How are you?” she would often respond with “I’m alive.” When she gave you advice, if you responded with “I’ll try.” she would tell you “Don’t try. Just do.”

I didn’t like the day 8 Rose so I had to try again. This one still feels super labored so I will probably revisit it again.

Day 11: stand tall and find the light

My favorite of the series so far. If you have been here a while you know I love drawing and painting sunflowers.

One of my favorite quotes is “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Sunflowers remind me to stand tall and find the light.

Day 12: creativity takes courage

Collaboration with my 3 year old. She has been painting up a storm and I found this one and thought it would be fun to add to it. At first I hated it. I almost gave up. Then I figured even if I ruined it more I could just trash it, so I kept going. The more I worked on it the more I liked it.

My word for 2022 is “courage”. Have courage dear heart. Creativity takes courage. Living in a foreign country, learning a new language, raising kids, walking through grief, adding the first mark to a blank canvas, starting something new, breaking old habits, standing firm in your beliefs. Courage. Strength in the face of pain or grief. The ability to do what is frightening.

Day 13: par.a.dise: heaven; a place of extreme beauty, delight, and happiness

I have been so lucky to have visited and lived in many places in my life that are paradise. My Grandma never traveled. She never flew on an airplane. My heart hurts that she never got to experience so much of the beauty that this world has to offer. And then I remind myself that maybe she found her own paradise in the smiles of her grand children and her great grand children, in creating things to share with others, or in having a conversation with someone she loved. My Grandma lived a simple hard life but she often found joy in the little things.

As I was working in this piece I had the line from the song Big Yellow Taxi stuck in my head:

“Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got

Till it's gone

They paved paradise

And put up a parking lot”

I knew my Grandma was special. Thankfully we talked often about how much we loved each other and how grateful we were for our relationship. I know she knew how much I loved her. I miss her so much. I hope she has found her paradise.

Day 14: lavender is for the soul

Lavender is a flower of healing. This powerful little flower supports sleep, reduces pain, improves mood, kills viruses and bacteria, heals wounds, and more. We arrived home to Italy a few days ago. Our house had that not lived in for 30 days funk and I immediately reached for my lavender incense. My body must know my soul needs some support and healing.

Day 15: hydrangeas will grow from the tears you wept

Sooo many tears over the past 2 months. I am not usually an emotional person but in January and February my grief has be floating just below the surface. The quickest way to get me to cry right now is music. If only a hydrangea grew every where I cried. I would be followed by a beautiful trail of flowers.

Once upon a time we lived in the Azores, Portugal. In the Spring the island was covered in beautiful balls of hydrangea flowers. Blue, white, purple, pink, colors everywhere. Hydrangeas will forever remind me of the years we spent on Terceira.

Day 16: the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom

In all of my years of painting and drawing flowers I have never painted magnolias. These are beautiful flowers. I will have to explore this subject more.

The quote I chose for this piece if from Anais Nin. I heard it in college and it has stuck with me all of these years later. It reminds me to take the risk, blossom, and experience all of the beauty life has to offer. Risks can be scary and painful and hard but in my experience more often than not, they are worth it.

Day 17: rejoice in the raindrops

Do you rejoice in the rain? Are you like a waterlily opening and accepting the rain as it falls on you?

Day 18: lilies bloom when we laugh together

Lilies are my mom’s favorite flower. They were the main flower we had at our wedding and I have a tattoo of a lily. When I explored bingata fabric dying in Okinawa, lilies were one of my favorite subjects. In Okinawa, around Mothers Day, they have a million lily festival on the island of Iejima. It was beautiful to be surrounded by so many different kinds of lilies. Heck my niece is named Lilli. One could argue that Lilies are an important part of my life.

Day 19: discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong

Have you ever seen a pond full of lotus flowers? It is beautiful! I think one of my favorite things about living overseas is the endless flower fields. In the Azores it was hydrangeas. In Okinawa it was cosmos, lilies, lotus, bougainvillea, orchids. In Italy it has been red poppies, vineyards, and sunflowers.

Sometimes life feels like a muddy pond. In those moments I remind myself to bloom.

Day 20: dear flower child, carry flowers in your hair and peaceful grace within your heart

My Grandma would always say she was a flower child, “you know me. I’m just an old hippie.” In one of my last photos of her she is smiling, holding my 5 month old daughter (great grandchild number 8), and on her wrist she has a bunch of bracelets. One is flowers, another is peace signs. My daughter is wearing fake flowers in her hair.

When she passed and I visited her home multiple pieces of Melinda originals circa 2005 were hanging in her bedroom. She was my biggest fan and my greatest cheerleader. I miss her dearly.

This is my last drawing of this series. Thank you for walking with me through this project. Thank you for sticking with me as I have walked through my grief. Art has always been a way for me to work through my big emotions and this project was no different.

I have some ideas brewing for future projects and I am excited to share them with you all.